I'm weak.
And this blog is going to be well, straightforward. I get away with making intellectually intelligent statements, but I beat around the bush...which I just found out-Americans enjoy (ignorance). So, I beat around the bush, sound like I know what I'm saying and I get total agreement.
Not to say that I won't get agreement from telling the whole truth-I may, but I just need to let some things go.
I used to think that that which I had was not sufficient enough for me. To be more specific, He whom I had, was not sufficient enough for me.
stop.pause.chelsea..mooda..talking about guys? She doesn't even LIKE those things! yeck!...but I promised to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth...so help me, galaxy..ugh here goes..
So, to me, He whom i had wasn't sufficient enough for me. And I go through a couple other people to find that-he IS sufficient enough for me, flaws and all....but I shouldn't have had to go through other people. I shouldn't have had to leave. I shouldn't have had to hurt someone solely because I have bad judgement of my own. I shouldn't have gone back to Him, only to hear...better yet READ "you're just not what I need right now, sorry."
Sorry? Sorry?! Why is He whom I treated so harshly, fell so hard for and reminisce about to this day saying sorry to me?? I've poured every bit of my negative energy into what we had between us, walked away and expected Him to be okay! Sorry? He should be furious. He should hate me. He should stone me.
This would be so much easier if I didn't still spend awkward time with Him. If there wasn't some relationship that we're forced to have. And now I'm just thinking...about how easy it's going to be when there are more than a few miles between us. When He's becoming who He wants to be and I'm becoming who I want to be.
...You wanna know what I found when I was going through other people?....People too afraid to admit when they're happy, or admit when they're sad...to afraid to respond to my "I miss you" with "I miss you too."
People to afraid to call me when they had a problem, too afraid to ask me for help..maybe not afraid, maybe stolid, i dont know...
People too afraid to show me that they're people..
People too afraid to make me feel as good as I make them feel...
People afraid to be themselves...
People afraid to be free...
People afraid to let loose and dream without restrictions...
People afraid to be Him=\
I can't wait until the next life. I can't wait until I'm born with the mind capacity to automatically love Him, no questions, and no need to develop my mind to see that.
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