India, you are SO your hair lol

Soo, I'm better...no longer "trapped.." I went skating:]..its very soothing
alright so this weekend was the beginning of the search for prom attire. I quit with traditionalism, and am officially wearing jeans to prom..fuck you and everything youve heard of...
And in the process of doing so, I started thinking about how I'm going to do my hair..
I dont understand why sometimes we keep our hair natural, only to perm, hide, or press it..
Every style that I'd though about for my hair included one of the three options..
Can I just give in now?
I mean really, I follow all the other rules, can I break this one about being my black self?
I was reading this exerpt from Malcolm X's autobiography that was talking about his first perm haha he was all pump and then he did it and looked int he mirror like, whoa...I look like them....
But I'm realizing that...I don't dislike white people....
I just dislike some of the policies and ideals instilled by what was majority white in history..sme of these things that are still being enforced today...
So, assimilating with appearance, is that bad? Is that fair?
I mean, clearly in media, we NEVER ever see "nappy" haired black people because that's just not attractive to whoever chooses what media can publish...
can i give in?

I don't know..
I love people..
I love brown..
I love beige..
I love olive...
I love pink...
I love tan..
I love straight...
I love extra curly...
I love blue..
I love black...
I love all...
and I'm true to myself mentally, soo can I give in to one phsysical change?
...straightening my hair for prom...

Trapped...

Lately, I've been feeling really trapped. I've been feeling trapped and so afraid of what's going to come of me. I'm only trapped because I'm pulling myself back, but if I play into what's happening around me, I'll be untrue to myself...
I'm one of the only people around who'll actually say what she's thinking...and when I do...apparently my thoughts...the ones that I thought were the most progressive...the most accepting...are..well, mean....maybe we aren't and can't always be what we want...maybe our thoughts of ourselves can't ever and will never be paralell with those of others...
I mean..the phrase "live alittle" means nothing to me because i AM living when I stand up for some of the things I believe in...

I AM living alittle when I listen to lauryn hill, wu tang, common, lupe, stephanie mills, luther vandross, and the delfonics instead of gucci mane, lil wayne, and soulja boii..

I AM living alittle when I try my best to treat the people around me with respect and respect their opinions, whether different or the same---the same way I encourage people to do so through race, age, gender, sexual orientation, socioeconomix status, etc...

I AM living as a 16-year old who's never experimented with nor do i WANT to experiment with drugs and sex...

I AM living alittle when I write, when I color, when I play with play-doh...

I AM living alittle...As a matter of a fact, I'm living as MUCH as I feel possible right now, and I try my best to let everyone else live and love as much as they want, so WHY is it a problem when I want to do so?...

Is it that I point out the things I don't appreciate as much as the things I do?--i actually only do that with music but Ive never even said that gucci n wayne and them are bad...just that they dont talk about things...they have so mnuch potential I just wish they'd rap more progressively...but hey maybe they are progressive outside of my mindset...but teach me i want to know...
Is it that I don't care enough about your needs?
Is it that you're so trapped in the world of dying that your jealousy causes you to shun me for living as much as I want? ..
Tell me because I'm not getting it...
I'm lost and it starts to get hard to live when you make bad comments about my gestures...
I'm trying to live, but when theres so many other people around you, who aren't letting you....thats hard to do...

Was "live and let live" just a tease phrase?

tired

Really tired, just got in from school
Just have a small mantra today..
Don't speak wrongly against or condemn someone for doing something because they differ from you in any of the following areas:
race
social economic status
sexual orientation
appearance
ability
age
or gender
[or if you just plain don't like them]
and then turn around and condone the same action when someone of the same [insert social division area] as you [or someone you don't have issues with] does it.

That may be confusing, but here's some examples...

SO, there's a girl. She's gay. She's come out the the entire school. It's been done. It's okay. We know she's gay. whooptee fucking doo...Her profile picture is of her kissing another girl (not like graphically kissing but like...you know how sometimes people make those kissy faces at one another? it's one of those playful type pictures that many people have). Someone said "Ew..did you see [so and so]'s profile picture kissing [so and so]?"...First of all, you're not in it so that's how much the picture has to do with you..Secondly, YOU HAVE PLENTY of pictures like that with other girls. It's FUNNY its PLAYFUL they're not even having SEX in the picture and already you're upset with her because..well...why are you?
This said person also happens to have a huge crush on a female celebity...alright...so what? Why is it disgusting that she has an inhumane crush on a female celebrity but its fine that every twilight fan in the world has an abnormal crush on Edward?...

Example number two...
Today is April fools..
One girl [that one said person who will be mentioned later doesnt like] wore a wig to school...that well, for a second could have passed as her hair...it was funny stuff
Another girl [who this said person has no problems with whatsoever] put icing on a carboard box and made it look like a delicious cake and gave it to her friends....funny stuff...

Person who was mentioned before says (after finding out about both jokes): so she [the girl with the wig] went out and bought a wig just for april fools??? That's stupid
nothing more...
nada mas..
no comments made about the other girl icing and ENTIRE BOX...

not i'm not saying that we should all live and let live
that we should all be kind to everyone even fi theyre different...althought that would be nice...
but say how you actually FEEL not how you would want to feel
for the first situation...don't pretend that you accept this girl being gay to her face btu then turn around and talk about things she does behind her back..
now i actually give a little credit to the girl in the second situation because she actually says "I hate her" --referring to the wig girl--all the time...so atleast she's speaking her opinion...it's just an ignorant one...



SO that was a nice rant....
ive spoken the peace that i needed to get out today and i am thoroughly pleased..
<33 Mooda